ONE WORD

TWINS!!!!

Tomorrow

The next most anxious worrisome day since finding out you really are pregnant with an invitro baby....the ultrasound. And finding out exactly how many babies there really are inside you. So...tomorrow we will know. I am hoping we will see a heartbeat. I'm not sure if we are too early for that. I have been too scared to find out exactly how far along I am. So if there isn't a heartbeat I can maybe says its just too early. It's tough playing mind games with yourself. :(

I am thinking just one. I thought it was two but my numbers didn't increase as they should, so maybe the other one was vanishing. Or maybe not. Tomorrow we will know. Finally.

All is well

We were looking for numbers at least 1,200. They called yesterday and my numbers were almost 1,800. We are all so relieved. I have an ultrasound on December 14. At this point my numbers look like a singleton. It's still fun to find out though. I can't wait. :)

Will be a long day

I am sitting outside the doctors office waiting to do my blood draw. It's been a long week with constant thoughts about being pregant or not being pregnant. I still have so many pregnancy symptoms but I'm on so many hormones. It's the constant issue. Which is actually making me feel this way??? And I feel desperate. I was actually thinking last night I wish I could steal some blood with a high hsg and trade it off as mine. That way I don't have to end this if that is the outcome today. Crazy crazy thoughts. So anyway, I will post later.

So.....

Maybe I am not pregant. Meany, miney and mo maybe didn't stick around. My HCG numbers are not rising as they should be. My estrogen and progesteron are really low too. Technically on Monday I was still pregant but the numbers were not very good. They should have been a lot higher. I go back on Friday to have them checked again. If they have risen a great deal I guess we are ok. If they haven't I guess we will be at the end of the road this time. I am thankful we have our 4 frozen snow babies left. Either way I am thankful for them. I am also so so thankful for Kiyah. She truly is a miracle. I feel so incredibly bad for the couples that have done this 5 and 6 times and still don't have children. I hate hate hate if this doesn't work. The abuse I have done to my body. My hips are pitiful. All the money we have spent. The emotional strees is constant. But we have Kiyah. I will post on Friday with the results. Pray for us.

Here are my numbers for my sanity in case we have to do this again in the near future:

November 21, 2011

HSG 68

Estrogen 2,094

Progesteron 121

November 23, 2011

HSG 122

Estrogen 1,600

Progesteron 255

November 28, 2011

HSG 379

Estorgen 916

Progesteron 72

So.......

I am pregnant. I thought maybe I was but was too scared to really think about it. I had symptoms earlier this time. I gagged brushing my teeth, I wanted nothing touching my stomach, I had hiccups everyday and I just felt bad. So I can't believe we have made it through another round of ivf successfully.....praying everything still proceeds as it should. We are so excited!! Another ivf miracle. We are blessed.

I'm so tired

I was able to get up today and shower. It wiped me out. I couldn't even wash my hair I was so tired. But I am back at home now in bed. My cat and dog are happy.

My nurse called with my blood work results. My estrogen was 2001 and my progesterone was 56. Currently I take 1cc of progesterone in oil and now they want me to up that to 2cc. I take .02 of delestrogen and they want to keep that the same. This shot is hard to give. The oil is so thick that you have to push hard on the plunger. Which makes Karlis's hand shake. Which makes my muscle hurt like you know what. So when I told him earlier we were increasing the dose he actually complained and said do you know how hard that is. And I said "do you think I'm thrilled about it?"....like I asked for his little finger to hurt a little longer....SERIOUSLY. I also get to add prometrium pills. This will be 3 times a day. My nurse said that will make me dizzy and tired...more tired...how can this be????

My hips are getting kind of sad. They itch, are red, have a few bruises. My nurse said at this point the muscle is just fed up. It starts to ball up and reject whatever it can including the medicine. It has started oozing out like it did first round of ivf. She said massage and ice would be the best thing. If I don't get pregnant from this I will be so frustrated by all the abuse I have put my body through for nothing. Not to mention a few others reasons to be totally hacked. I will be mad. At who?? I'm not sure but I will be. It's like the hit Weezer moment from Steal Magnolias. I'll be aiming for anyone. I might have just increased the prayers from all my friends and family.

Laying around

The more I lay here the more tired I seem to get. My body is wasting away but hopefull my uterus is happy and relaxed. It should be. We just watch tv all day, shop for Kiyah's Christmas and read gossip magazines. It's the perfect day to lay around. Rain and the temperature is falling. I love the cold fresh air. I keep the window open even when it gets in the 30s. Karlis hates it but I'm happy. :)

So we had a first last night. Karlis gave me my shot then he gave himself one as well. He missed the cap going back on and got the tip of his finger. What did I do? Laugh my butt off. While he screamed a string of profanity. It was great. So that gave me an idea. I said lets shoot an empty needle in his hip muscle so he knows what I do daily. He said in this sad little voice "I don't want to.". It was truly a great moment. I laughed forever.

So I have had no bleeding like when I did Kiyah's cycle. I have period like cramps off and on all day. Not sure if that is good or bad. And maybe it's different for everyone.

I forgot to mention last time that since octo idiot mom my Dr has had to become conservative on how many he transfers. He said they have not had triplets in 18 months. He said 30% of his patients had twins. So triplets are a long shot.

Oh and lastly for those super interested I found an embryo grading scale. Hey, I have the time.. Here is the link:

http://www.advancedfertility.com/blastocystimages.htm

One more thing....our young embryologist said her camera was broke the day of our transfer so we got no pictures. You would think they would do a family portrait as much as we pay. Seriously a broken camera??? Fix it dang it.

3 out of 3

So it looks like there was a miscommunication. Our nurse promised us they would thaw four and transfer all that made it. Our dr I guess thought different. He thawed three and they all made it. I don't like miscommunication with something like this. I have thought for the last month I might get four but I guess that wasn't even an option. He said they all looked "great" but I could see the chart. There were numbers letters and collapsed written. So I started asking questions. He said he needed to get the embryologist. I was surprised. She was young. Like really young. I don't think she was even 30. I thought they needed years of experience and years of school. Guess I was wrong. She said that when embryos are thawed they look deflated like raisins. She said they move around and change too. I don't get that part cause how can you grade a moving mass of cells? Anyway she explained the grade ours were given. One was a 4AB, one was a 3BB, and one was "collapsed". The number represents how big it has swelled back up with 5 being the largest. The first letter represents how well the baby part actually looks. The second letter represents what factors that support a baby. Anyone confused???? The collapsed one was still alive but just slow....must be "Mo". So....that's enough of that.

I have been laying in the bed all day and find it completely exhausting. Biscuit loves it. I have my moments. I have seen more tv today than I have in the last month combined. I will have to read tomorrow. My retinas are starting to scream from the tv, iPad, iPhone. I need good old plain paper to look at. A good book.

I miss Kiyah terribly bad. I can't think about her too much or I get so freaking sad. The house is beyond quiet.

Only thing different today is that my stomach is beyond sore. I have no idea why. It's like they punched me when I was out. Very weird.

My estrogen was around 1400. My progesterone was 34. They said both of those were great and not adjust my meds. I am so glad they know what they are doing. I am clueless.

So guess that's it. I'm pregnant with three babies today. ........crazy!!

Tomorrow is the day

This time tomorrow I will have 3 or 4 embryos in me. Crazy to think that I will technically be pregnant with that many children. On the flip side it is scary to think that none of them might stick around....literally.

My body is convinced it is pregnant. I crave sausage and biscuits in the morning. I ate tomato bisque soup which I hate except when I am pregnant. I am also craving malt vinegar which I could have drunk when I was pregnant last time. I am SO GLAD I am already craving all of these things. I would have been certain I was pregnant if I had started doing that next week.

On the home front it is quiet. Sadly quiet. Kiyah is staying with my dad in Alabama this week. I just couldn't figure out how bedrest would work with her here. She would want to be with me and I would be depressed hearing her ask for me all the time. It would tempt me to get up which is stupid after all this time and money....and our babies life at risk. So she is there until Friday or Saturday. I hate it. I really do. I feel like I am clinging to her right now. I guess it brings back all kinds of memories of when we were unsure if we would ever get a child. I cannot imagine a life without her. She makes me laugh every day. All the moms out there know. Your children are your life. They hurt, you hurt. They laugh, you laugh. They cry, you cry. They are happy, you are happy. So this will be the quietest week I have had since Kiyah was born. I will probably be counting the ceiling tiles by Tuesday morning. Speaking of bed rest....

To lay upstairs in the bed or lay downstairs in the recliner....that is the question. Karlis says upstairs. I say downstairs. To lie on my back for four days will hurt. The recliner will just be easier. Plus I won't have the option of rolling to my side. In the bed I will. But the thing about being downstairs is that Karlis will be responsible for bringing my clothes down each morning......do I really want to rely on that? And nothing fits. Finding something is a chore. Invitro wrecks your body.....or it does mine. I am beginning to look like a tight end.....without a tight end.

So one of my good friends has taken the liberty of naming the babies. I think it is perfect. Eeny, Meeny, Miney and Mo are now the 4 embryos. I said knowing my luck the one named "Mo" would stick......Mo Zirnis. Although, I do have another good friend we call Mo and it seems to fit. Maybe a little "Mo" wouldn't be so bad after all.

I will post tomorrow night (if I can see straight) how many we were able to put in. I hope they will be able to tell my the quaility of them also. Or this just might be something that will drive me nuts until the pregnancy test. I will think on that one.

Pray for my embryo babies to be strong tomorrow and to stay away from the light. They have been frozen for three years. They might be confused. They might have enjoyed their low rent nitrogen filled tank. They might not be looking for another home. Pray they will like their move into their rent free uterus. If they only knew how bad they were wanted.....well maybe they do.

Lastly, another one of my friends and I were talking about how many would make it and how many wouldn't. She said something that calmed me some. She said "you will get exactly as many as you are supposed to get".......so true.

Till tomorrow.......

Today my body thinks.....

It is one day pregnant. Since our embryos grew to be five days old my body has to believe it is five days pregnant when they are implanted back in me. So since they go in on Monday today is day one. That is why we started all the additional medicine today and the super duper baby stick to my endometrial lining medicine. I forgot these shots. But believe me I am familiar with them now. Wow does the oil not ever hurt so bad. My muscle immiadetly started tensing when the oil went in. I have no idea how I am going to carry Kiyah around. She always says "mommy hold you" and sticks her little arms in the air. So since I am pregnant (not really but tell my body that) I have some pregnancy things going on. I can smell stuff a mile away. I don't want sweets anything like I normally do. My ta tas hurt and are super sensitive. So....when these little buggers go in how crazy will I be wondering if I'm pregnant or just responding to my meds??? This is going to be a long agonizing wait until the pregnancy test. And I don't even have them in me yet. Bear with me guys, I'm going to make everyone nuts.....more than normal.

Where did the fun blog me go?

I don't know. Or maybe I do. You see, I have these 7 embryos. To me they are a human at that point. So for the last 2 1/2 years I have thought about these babies. Are they boys or girls? Are they fun loving or serious little beings? Will they all make it into the world? I know this is not reality. I know they will not all make it. So that is hard. I can't wish that all of these babies do not take this time. But do I want 3-4 children this go around? Well no, not really. But what do you do? How do you hope for some to take and for some not to? So I think. And wonder. And then I try not to think. So...I am all serious. All business. And tired and stressed.

I had my last doctor appt this morning before we do the transfer. I will stop my stomach shots tomorrow and really start aggresively doing the hip shots. We have to mix the medicine in one syringe so I don't have to do 2 shots per night. It will be a much bigger dose so she said to get ready for my hips to get worse. After the medicine is given I have to lay on my side for 5-10 minutes and massage the oil (the injection is progesteron in oil mixed with delestrogen) into my muscle. I also get to start.......get ready readers........vaginal suppositories. Three times a day I will be the lucky home of these little beauties. I cannot wait......... I also begin a new antibiotic that I will take four times a day and two at each time (8 a day!!). I have been on antibiotics for over a month. My poor tummy. I also start taking a anti-rejection drug. So anything foreign in my body it will keep......this makes me want to try all kind of things. Which is probably really dangerous. I will be good, I promise.

Ok, so we have to be at the doctor on Monday morning at 10:45. The process should take 2 1/2 hours. They start thawing our embryos very early that morning. They will thaw 4 since they are stored 2, 2, 2 and 1. If at least 3 does not make it they will continue to thaw until they get 3. I do not want any less that three. If all 4 make it they will put them all in. I will not pick one to trash.

I have been asked if I am excited. I have too many emotions to pick just one. I am nervous because the time is almost here. I have wondered since Kiyah if I would have more children. I do not want her to be an only child. So it is almost sad because this could be it. If this ends up being our only chance and it does not take. We have decided we don't want to do another fresh cycle. We could always change our minds but I have put my body through a lot. Our pockets through a lot. Our emotions through a lot. I don't think we are up for another one. But maybe it will not come to that. Guess we will just all have to wait and see.

I AM fuse-less

I don't have a short fuse right now...I just don't have one. I am mean. And I acknowledge this. I just can't help it. One shot I take puts me in menopause. The other shot I take battles menopause. It treats hot flashes and vaginal dryness. Woo hoo....just what everyone wants treatment from. So I feel like these two medicines are in a struggle to see who wins. My poor body is the boxing ring. It is tired.

Karlis seems to have jumped right in with giving shots. Kiyah likes to watch. I lay down on my side when he does it. She stands by and holds my head, hand, arm, whatever. When it's done she says "all better mommy?". It's so cute. Karlis says he is Dr. daddy. I tell him he is nuts. I had blood work down this morning and an ultrasound. I guess everything is ok. They called to tell me to up my dosage of delestrogen to double what I'm taking now and then triple it on Sunday night. I go back Monday morning for more blood work and another ultrasound.

So if all goes as planned I get our babies a week from Monday. It's hard to believe its that soon. I'm not sure I'm ready. I guess with ivf it is hard to be completely prepared. It's a risk. A gamble. It's an emotional sand trap. I just hope I don't sink.

How did we do this before???

I have no idea how we did all this before. It is so confusing. They try their best to make it simple but dang there are a lot of steps, drugs, pills, injections, etc. And to think if you just miss one time you can send your whole cycle to the dumps.
My appointment yesterday I guess went ok. We didn't hear back from them last night saying my blood work was off. So we start the shots in my hips tonight. I still do stomach shots but the dose has dropped to 5cc instead of 20cc.
Kiyah did ok. My Ipad held her off for a good 10 minutes. The only problem was she thought they were hurting me when I had to lay on the table...which they kind of were. So she panicked a little. Oh and when I took my clothes off she did too.
So until Friday we do the same thing every day. Two shots a day, an antibiotic twice a day and the regular pills at night (1.5 aspirin, folbic, prenatal vitamin).
I cannot remember anything. The days seem to be flying by. My head hurts almost constantly today but I don't know if that is from the cold I have or from the drugs. You can tell from this post that my thoughts are sparadic. I did find out that they will draw blood on November 23rd to see if I am pregnant. That is a Wednesday. The day before Thanksgiving. For some reason I don't think this cycle will work and I have no idea why I think that. Maybe it is a defense mechanism. You can't get hurt as bad if you don't fully expect something. But then sometimes in my head I think how can this not produce a baby. My body will be so ready or at least tricked into thinking it is. I guess there is no answer or right way to think. I am just going through the motions. Taking the steps.

So when I didn't think I could feel any worse.....

I get a cold. Aaagggghhhhh!!!! So I am tired and sick. This stinks.

We went on Thursday and my doctor said they found nothing abnormal from my D and C. They rechecked for bacteria and we get the results of that tomorrow when we go for my suppression check, ultrasound to see if my lining is thin and blood draw to see if my hormones have bottomed out. I think they have. I'm mean. And have no patience. It's like everything aggravates me. I think I hear people around me whispering "just do what she says". They are all afraid. And they should be. I'm not a pleasant person right now. But if everything is ok we start pumping my body FULL of hormones. I am riding the hormonal roller coaster of life right now.

We also do a medicine review tomorrow. We have to take everything that was delivered which is a massive box. Normally this would not be that bad. It's stressful and confusing but we get through it but tomorrow we get a bonus distraction....Kiyah. Our baby sitter isn't keeping children tomorrow. So I have packed books, movies, colors, her "puter" (play computer) and candy to bribe her. I hope and pray she can give us 20 minutes for the medicine review. Or I might just take the Valium I saw floating in the bottom of the big medicine box......don't tell anyone. I plead hormonal insanity.

I AM Exhausted

I think this about sums things up. I don't remember being this tired last time. I am having hot flashes so I know the drugs are working. They made me bleed to clean out my lining so that has been done. They make me crave certain foods and let me tell you the food sticks. Hormones suck for the diet. If I don't get pregnant it is going to be bad trying to lose weight during the holidays. Wish there was hormones to take the weight back off. You would think there would be if they can convince my body it is five days pregnant with 5-day old but really with three year old frozen embryos. Crazy!!

So shots are ok. Some hurt. Some itch. Some bleed. I am doing these so Karlis is up next. He will begin giving me the hip ones on Monday if everything looks suppressed. I go tomorrow for a follow up to the D and C. He will report if he found anything abnormal. I will also be checked to make sure there is no bacteria in me. I just finished antibiotics for 14 days so hopefully all is well. Then we go back Monday. We will be going often now. Which is good. It means things are going as planned. So we carry on.....exhausted and tired but hopefully worth it in the end.

One Down: 13 TO GO

STOMACH SHOTS....... Started this morning, Lupron at 20 units. Karlis and I draw the shot up together. My biggest fear is getting the dose wrong and messing everything up for the entire cycle and wasting such expensive medicine. I give the shot since it is in the stomach. It hurt worse than I remembered but I might have just hit a sensitive area or maybe it was because when I cleaned the area with alcohol I didn't let it dry first... Ouch. So we have 13 more until we switch over to hip shots. I feel a little more agitated, hot, tired, have a headache.... but is that just normal woman stuff or Lupron stuff?? Who knows. I did a refreshener on Lupron....it is a chemotherapy drug used for advanced prostate cancer. So good news.....no prostrate here so that is safe. For me it will crash my estrogen levels and put me in menopause. My doctor is officially taking control of all my hormones. Bless his heart...what a job.

Do things ever go as planned?

We went for teaching last Friday and the teaching went as planned....they taught, we listened. Then it was time for the "mapping" of my uterus to check that everything looked good for the transfer of the embryos. It went bad, very bad. The pain was unbearable. So we stopped and I got a shot of Demerol in my hip. We went ahead as planned 30 minutes later. It was still horrible but we got it done. When I stood up there was blood. Which was a little weird. I tried to tell my IVF nurse but she was already with the next couple. So we went on home. Where I continued to bleed, bleed and bleed some more. This was on a Friday. So by Monday I was a little nervous. I called and my IVF nurse said that I probably just started my period. I didn't think this was right since I was right at ovulation. I had just had a period 12 days before. She said go ahead and start birth control pills as planned. So I did. The bleeding got worse. For five more days I bled through a super plus tampon in 1-2 hours. I was up all night. Exhausted. I didn't know if it was from the blood loss or from the lack of sleep. So by Friday I thought this is enough. I called and left a message with my IVF nurse. She called back and said "way too much bleeding for way too long of time". She said to immediately come to the office. So we went. My dr. seemed to think the catheter used during the mapping combined with me ovulating, combined with the birth control pills started the bleeding. We decided to do a D and C to stop the bleeding. So into surgery I went. So the last few days have been rough. I am sore and tired, dizzy and confused. The iron I am taking makes me sick. The birth control pills make me nauseous. But good news.. the bleeding has almost completely stopped. I have no idea though when I will bleed again. Will I have a period? Was that sort of a period? My doctor said that all of this will not change any of my invitro dates. That is good news. I want to go ahead and get things going. I feel like I am in a holding period when things kind of stop. So as of now all of my invitro meds get delivered today to the house. I start stomach shots on the 18th. Birth control pills stop on the 19th. I go back on the 27th for a follow up on the D and C. Then the 31st for a complete suppression check. I need an assistant to help with all these dates. Ok....I am exhausted. I need a nap.

Day ONE?

I guess this is day one of our next invitro cycle. We go for our "teaching" today. This day last time was a blur. Karlis and I both looked at each other the entire time whispering....you got this right? you understand this right? you will be able to remember this right? we can do this right? Whew it was stressful. I am not that anxious about today. I think I have forgotten what to be scared of. Now this afternoon when we get done I might need a valium. I am just saying. Plus today is the day we pay....maybe they will forget this part. One can only wish. Or maybe they will just say this one is on the house. Like an invitro lottery.
So I will try and post soon all relevant dates. I think we still have a couple of weeks before we start shots or pills. I have already started vitamins that cost around $100 a month. These alone should make me get pregnant for that cost. If only it was that easy.
Till later........

Fight On

There was a minor setback. I thought we were going to cycle in September and implant in October. I was prepared. I was ready. I called to confirm the schedule and it took two days before I actually got a person. Not a good start....again. She said that time was now full......sigh. I did not want to wait another month. I had prepared for a quick start. So we officially signed up to cycle in October and implant in November. You confirm that schedule with the financial counselor. I have absolutely no idea why. So the IVF nurse called me a few days after and said we could actually go ahead and cycle in September and implant in October.....what. the. he!!. She said in order to do that I would need to go ahead and start birth control pills the very first day of my period. And that just happened to be the day I had started. SSCCCREETTCHHHHH. Put the brakes on. Start immediatly??? My state of mind was not ready. For me in-vitro is so much mental preparation that to throw our new schedule out the window and immediatly start was impossible. I just couldn't do it. I could have done it the week before but not now. It sounds crazy I know. And then to top it all off you start thinking well what if I don't get pregnant now and I would have got pregnant if we had immediatly started. You can drive yourself NUTS.

I am trying to stay in a neutral state of mind. Since we were successful the first time it is hard for many to think it will not happen for us again. Plus it is not like people can say "you know you might not be so blessed this time". It is a catch 22. Wish I could turn my mind off but I want to talk about it. I want to discuss it but I don't want to get my hopes up. How do you do that? To be optimistic but cautious. To think you are going to be able to expand your family but say you will be completely ok if you don't. And to know your chances are limited. Very limited. Maybe only one or two more chances at the most. I guess it would be the equivalent for all the healthy sexually reproductive couples out there to say "ok we only get to have sex during ovulation only two more times in our lifetime". How horrible would that be? How slim their chances would be to have children. It sounds so sad in those terms and that is what we face. BUT I know we do have Kiyah. Our reality is not as harsh as some. To think she started out in a petri dish and grew in a lab until she was five days old is insane. I look at her sometimes and think "how did you survive". It breaks my heart to think about it. She was a fighter from the beginning. Will we be blessed with 1, 2, 3 more fighters. Or will we have the reality of finding out that none of our children will be strong enough to make it. And have to think for the rest of our life about who they would have been, what they would have been, their features, their laugh, their smile. Sometimes I wonder if it is more mentally exhausting knowing you have seven created children. I know I will mourn the loss for each of them. I just pray that some of them hang on and make it. Our little fighters.

Off we go....I think

So we had our appointment on Friday. It was weird but successful. We were the ONLY couple there. This practice is huge space wise. It takes up an entire floor of a hospital. And we were it. That was weird. Plus most of the staff was different. I was hoping to work with some of the same people we had worked with before. The new ones were nice but I was expecting the same. It is kind of like when you go to the gyno for a pap smear. Would you want someone else doing that if you were not expecting it? I don't think so. I am sure I will get used to the new ones though. We will see them a zillion times over the next few months.

My Dr was in surgery when we arrived so we waited and waited and waited. This is a slow form of torture for Karlis. He gets where he cannot sit still. So he starts exploring. I somehow feel it is in my best interest not to put on the internet what he does while waiting in a room. It is kind of like search and rescue and anything is fair game. I will leave it at that. He did at one point turn to me and say he wished that they had an eye chart available. I asked him if he even knew what doctor we were visiting that day. But by the end of our appointment I was surprised myself that we indeed did not have to do an eye exam. They asked some of the most irrelevant questions. Since we are using our frozen embryos a genetic history is null at this point. They are fertilized already with our sperm and eggs. What can they do at this point if they find out Cousin Eddie has only 8 toes and barks like a dog on occasion. What difference does it make if Karlis takes a multivitamin? Will this help my uterus be a happy place and except the frozen 3? And probably the craziest thing they did was take his blood pressure and weight. If his blood pressure had been high would they have provided counseling to calm his nerves? Will they monitor his weight from here on out just to make sure he is the one who is not pregnant? I swear some of it was just a waste of time. Maybe they were stalling until the Dr came out of surgery. I would have rather played hop scotch down the hall.

After speaking with the Dr we have learned that 80% of our embryos should survive the thaw. We have chosen to implant three. This is what we did with Kiyah's cycle. They will thaw three on the day of implantation and if one, two or three does not survive they will thaw one, two or three more. Surely we will end up with three to implant if 80% should survive. It takes 2-3 hours for them to thaw. I told him my concerns if we end up with only one left after we have 3 implanted. I was hoping he would say he would implant four just so we did not have to go through another cycle for one embryo. Instead he looked at me like I was nuts. So we will let the cards fall as they may.

I will begin the cycle in September and we will implant them sometimes in October. Although the cycle is not as long and they do not harvest eggs it sounds really similar. They will suppress my hormones and make me go through a menopausal state. This is with the shots in the stomach. Then they will jump start my system with a period and slowly make my body think it is pregnant. This will be a 21 day time span. The two weeks up to ovulation and then the week after. They have to do my drugs perfectly to match what it should be for a five day old embryo. These 21 days will be the hip shots. Then if I do get pregnant the hip shots will continue until my body knows what it is supposed to do. I am sure there are other things thrown in there for fun like the drugs I take by mouth, the cream that had to be inserted you know where, etc. I can sense my readers slowly dropping off one by one at the thought of this.

So after you see the Dr you get to see the.....dum da da dum............financial counselor. They do not let you leave the place without stopping here first. They get your mind full of the thought of having another child and how it can be a possibility for you and then they LOWER THE BOOM. It is awkward. I still hate having to pay for my children. I know they are worth every penny but DANG. So at this time we have decided to accept any and all donations. We know how you all hate you did not have to pay for your unborn child upfront so we are giving this opportunity to you now. We are anticipating how excited you all are and what a great investment this will be. The gift of life, right? Ok, ok, I am joking........sort of.

I will post again as soon as I figure out more of our schedule. They do not share any of this info until they have money in hand. Karlis and Kiyah will be washing cars and selling doughnuts at 4 way stops to pick up a little more change. After all Kiyah knows the value of how important this is. It is as simple as this.......it gave her life.

Round Two

We are at it AGAIN. This is the day I have been excited, nervous and anxious about since we had Kiyah. Tomorrow we go to our in-vitro doctor and discuss our "options". A flood of memories come back. The constant questions of what if it happens again for us and what if it doesn't. What if we do all the preparation and our seven (five day old) embryos do not survive their frozen state. What if we go through it all and get nothing and we have wasted all that money. To be honest, I am so sick of asking these questions. There is one good thing about doing this now. Maybe we will be successful and never have to do it again. Then the questions will stop. Finally. Silence.

I called and got my appointment and the receptionist said that I would be considered a "new patient". This immediately ticked me off. Me, a new patient...are you kidding me? I gave these people a good 6 months of my life. I gave these people a great amount of money. These people have our seven babies hanging out there in a frozen state.....and I am new? I don't think so. I have been there, done that and have a child to prove it. I am family. I am a repeat VIP guest. I am someone that boosted their success rates. I am anything but "new". New is scary. New means you have no idea what you are facing. New means anything I am not. So.....this is starting out great, huh?

So I will try and post tomorrow what we find out. I know there is a complete physical, woo hoo! Not sure about blood work but I imagine so. Not sure about looking at the woman bits but that could be expected too. Really anything goes at these appointments. I wouldn't be surprised if they asked me to do the splits. I could sense this was something they wanted to ask before but never did. I am ready this time.

My hips have silently started screaming. They are scared, frightened and asking me to consider my thighs instead for hormone injections. They are not team players. I don't blame them. Karlis will have to polish up on his shot giving ability. Maybe it is like riding a bike. Let's hope so cause I will be the one to test this theory out.

On another note Kiyah is great. Karlis and I are greatly enjoying this age. She does have some of the drama that goes along with 2 year old children but for the most part she is a lot of fun. Talking up a storm and repeating everything you say. LOOK OUT! We do live with a hockey player with broken English at times. She has learned a lot of Latvian. It is so cute to hear her count. Such a joy and blessing she is. I would do in-vitro 100 times over just to have her again. I hope I can say the same with this next cycle and that we will reap the rewards of a new little one(s).

My baby turns two!!! I swear I was just writing on this blog a short while ago. And then when I look at the date I can't believe it. I should have done a better job. But life gets in the ways sometimes. :) Kiyah has started doing so many new things that is has become too numerous to count. We still have a couple of big milestones.....moving to a big girl bed and potty training. Hopefully, we will get both of those accomplished this summer. I think she will miss her crib. She loves it. Some for sure things I have learned about her; she loves any and all animeals, she loves to eat (pizza is her favorite), she loves Mickey Mouse, Little Bear and Dora, she does not like any assistance with eating/drinking and we are immediately told "right her" for where she wants us to put down whatever she wants so she can then do it herself, she says "ok" in the sweetest way 1,000 times a day.....I could go on and on. She is really tall for her age. She is wearing a size 2 in clothes, size 6 in diapers and size 7 in shoes. She has decided that she does not like her stroller and would rather have her mama carry her everywhere. All 30 pounds of her. She is very shy at first when we are around people and it takes a little while to get going. She loves to blow bubbles and play with any and all water. We got a membership to the zoo and her most favorite part about that was running the paths and screaming "Kiyah" and pointing to herself whenever we meet anyone. Her shyness vanished amongst the fresh air, families and zoo animals. She understands Latvian and says some things to Karlis when they talk. I think she will pick a lot up this summer when his mom comes to stay for a month. It will be good for her. She likes to dance, be tickled and exercise. Which is all very funny to watch her do. And recently she has picked up wrestling. She likes to tackle. We have no idea where she got this but she things it is the funniest thing. Really feminine, huh? She can count to 15 with a little assistance. She refuses to say the number 4. We need to start working on ABC's and colors more often. She thinks everything is yellow. I think she just likes the way it sounds rolling off her tongue. Such a silly girl.
Being a mom is wonderful. I wouldn't change a thing. Life can be so rewarding.
Karlis, Slim, Biscuit, Tiger and Lily are all happy and healthy as well. Tiger has been on the hunt lately with the warm weather. She set an all knew record last week. She brought through the cat door three dead animals of a different species. We have already removed 2 snakes from our house and it is only May. Kiyah was actually sitting on one of the snakes but that is an entirely different story. I still miss Zamboni with everything I have. I would give just about anything to have that little guy back. I dream often of getting another Frenchie and I tell you I would if Slim could work on his grouchiness.
Once again I am going to try and do better at blogging. I miss it. I want Kiyah to know what she did growing up and I want to be able to start documenting when we try IVF with our frozen 7. Stay tuned for that one. It could be sooner or it could be later. Hard to forecast life sometimes.