Dum Ta Da Dum….Bring on The Shots!

It really wasn’t all that bad. I awakened my husband from a coma like state to help me draw up the shot. He somewhat took charge (thank goodness) and did it all himself…..well somewhat. I was slowly reading the life size poster that came with the Lupron that explained things in a way that even a six your old could give the shot. And if you can’t read…there are step by step pictures as well!! It was the most excited I have ever been about a drug insert. This will be the one and only time I ever say this… a big thanks to Lurpon! I read over the side effects that basically say in a nutshell you are going to turn into one mean b%*#h. Their words not mine. Plus there is a good chance of insomnia, constant headache, joint pain, nausea, thirst, tiredness…I think we all get the picture here. It is now starting to feel like we are really beginning this process, how could it not as I sit here in a sweat induced, headachy state?

IVF protocol 101….We have to do what!?!?! and as an added bonus.. How in the world did that get stuck in there!??!?!

This was possibly one of the most confusing days of my life. We should have taken a little voice recorder along with us….seriously. When our IVF nurse started the session with “you will start birth control pills on the second day of your cycle” I thought we had somehow wondered into the “I can’t help but make babies” session. But this wasn’t the case; we actually start all of this with BCP’s which is kind of ironic. Then we move onto little shots of Lupron (aka the drug that turns you into some kind of wicked) and then to the big (aka decking nails) shots. This is good because my husband has been talking about building a deck so maybe we can use any extras.
Now we approach the “holy crap” portion of the appointment. My doctor did a “cervical mapping” which feels somewhat similar to a pap smear to find out where everything is in there. One would think he has seen everything in there by now and knows this but nonetheless he did it anyway. Well there was a “little problem” with the speculum. The little problem is one in that IT GOT STUCK!! It was some disposable plastic thing that wouldn’t release and close. My doctor really tried to be smooth and calm, but after lying in a complete state of shock for what seems like the amount of time he could have just sliced me opened and examined my goods firsthand, he began to bring out his special moves. By special moves I mean weird circular motions along with what felt like thrusts. This was I am sure what really was a complete state of panic by him but it felt to me like he was trying to put my husband to shame. Speaking of my husband, at this point he is making eye contact with NO ONE in the room and looking at the floor like it was his new best friend. So I get an idea, I think about asking if they have the Jaws of Life available in these circumstances but that is at the same time my IVF nurse states “We have NEVER seen this happen before”, so much for that thought. I then began to hear cracking which is a little scary when the sound is coming from within your special place. I glance down and my doctor is finally removing the speculum from within me and he looks rather triumphant like he has just finished wrestling with and defeating a wild beast.
If this doesn’t deserve an IVF discount I don’t know what does.

Didn't See This One Coming

July 7, 2008………The day we found out our normal lives as we know it would have to be turned upside down to have children. I had always thought we would move slowly, gradually to IVF if needed but nope we hit it at 100 mph. There is nothing like taking the fast lane to an emotionally, financially, physically stressful situation. I think what I will always remember from that day is how the doctor spilled out around 346,863 medical terms and I think but I am not completely sure that he might have been speaking in tongues for some of the conversation. I also found it completely fascinating in that telling us that we both had problems that were preventing us from having children naturally; he never wanted to talk about my husband’s issues more than 8.6 seconds at a time. But what he seemed to love to talk about was my off-wack hormones and slow, pitiful, reproduction system. I got to hear over and over about all of MY problems while my husband got to sit there and stare into space. I assume he didn’t want to invade my husband’s male ego thing so I feel this just further proves how much tougher women are. This is good since I feel IVF will be about finding an amount of toughness that I didn’t know I had.
I have started this as a journal so that I have a record of everything that happened throughout all of this. If we are lucky enough to have children this first time they will see how hard we worked to get them. If not, then we have a journal of what to expect the second go around. Hope you enjoy!